Is this what normal looks like?

Is this what normal looks like?

Age 10, 90 lbs
They ran away from me at recess
They didn't want to be near me
I hid in the bathroom everyday
Until the lunch lady told me I couldn't anymore
I hid in my red jacket
"Why don't you ever take that off?"

Age 11, 90 lbs
"You wanna lose weight?"
My mother asked me
"Stop eating chips for lunch.
Stop eating bread with dinner,
Start doing squats, it'll make your butt look nicer."
Does nicer mean smaller?

Age 12, 90 lbs
No thank you, I don't drink soda.
No thank you, I don't eat sweets.
I don't eat bread, rice, or pasta.
Maybe, let me check how many calories it has first.

Age 13, 90 lbs
"Wow, Dru, I didn't recognize you!
You look so good!"

Age 15, 100 lbs
Well, the guy doesn't love me
My best friend doesn't love me...
My father to my mother: "Dru, why don't you love me?"
Me to my pillow: "Mom, why don't you love me?"
Me to myself: How could someone ever love me?

Age 16, 120 lbs
I can't do this anymore
I can't stop
It helps
It hurts
I'm full..
No, you're empty.
It feels so good
But so horrible coming back up
I can't stop
I can't do this anymore.

Age 17, 125 lbs
I just ran 6.2 miles, in a row
I felt like I was flying!
I felt like I never wanted to stop!
I felt like life had pulled me in and wrapped its arms around me and would never let me go
...thank you body

Age 19.5
James told me to step outside my comfort zone
Sharing this is very uncomfortable
I don't want it to be that way.
I haven't checked the scale in a while
I don't know how many calories I ate today
And i don't wanna know
I can run a half marathon,
I've run three half marathons (self call)
I still pinch the skin on my thighs and suck in my stomach and cover my arms
I still cringe when he touches me
"No, I don't want you to take my dress off."
I don't wear jeans anymore, or makeup
I don't start crying when I see myself in the mirror
Or when I think about my mom
Or ever, really
Except now,
I cried while writing this

Is this what normal feels like?