Vita e morte

Grim, but we're all going to die. Maybe in the distant future, maybe really soon.

Here's what prompted this post: I had a dream the other night that I died. There was an explosion near me as I was walking home and I couldn't see or breathe because of the smoke. I fell to the ground, which was hot. And then I woke up. That same night, my friend had a dream where I was climbing something and fell off and died. This FREAKED me out for several days and while I was walking around in Florence on Friday I became extremely nervous- what if I died tomorrow? Today? Right now? And these thoughts were horrible and made me anxious but after the fact I can say three things:

1. I used to crave death. Junior year of high school I hated my life so much; I could see no escape from my misery and I thought about dying every day. I can't even imagine this now. I love my life and I want to continue living it. There are so many things, simple and extraordinary, that I enjoy doing. I enjoy being in Rome, a huge city where I am among so many people but still anonymous. I enjoy knitting hats and right now I'm almost done with a beanie with moose on it. I'm looking forward to going to London in a few weeks and exploring with two friends from school who I haven't seen since November. I could list so much more but it would seriously go on forever and I think you get the idea. I don't want to die. Life is too good, and I appreciate the fact that I''m still here to live it.

2. If I were to die, would I be satisfied with how I've lived my life? I think so. I'm a pretty good person. I have goals, and I'm working towards them. I speak my mind and don't let words go unsaid. Maybe I would regret not sharing my struggles with more people, but I'm working on that (example, this blog)

3. Death doesn't care if I deprived myself of an extra piece of cake. It doesn't matter in the afterlife. Why shouldn't I eat what I want to, as long as I feel healthy and am strong enough to do the things I love? Life is too short to worry about what I look like. I could die tomorrow, and it will no longer matter what I did or did not eat because I will no longer exist to care about it. So why should I care now? Brb while I eat that cake, because I want to and because it'll make me happy and because in the grand scheme of things the universe will not be disturbed. Indulge yourself. You can diet once you're dead.

Honestly, this post is not meant to be depressing. Please read it in in uplifting light.